


Mark and Kyle:  Fight!

by MotleyMoose



Category: Fanfiction Nation
Genre: (not really) - Freeform, Fighting, Fighting friends fight for unknown (and possibly supernatural!) reason, Gen, Podcast, There is no reason for this, other than i needed something to do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-15 03:38:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14151117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MotleyMoose/pseuds/MotleyMoose
Summary: Two friends fight.Maybe this was just a dream?





	Mark and Kyle:  Fight!

**Author's Note:**

> The fuck if I know what this is. I just needed to do something during work because it was slow. Characters are not (totally) true to the real versions of themselves. Mark may actually be fantastic at roundhouse kicks.

“I’m a lawyer. This is what I do. I sit behind this desk and do lawyer-y things,” Kyle the lawyer said, gesturing to the piles of legal files and teetering stacks of hastily scribbled notes that took up most of his tiny desk.

“It’s just not good enough, Jack!” The man hit the top of the only filing cabinet in the room. The filing cabinet silently vowed revenge. “You need to get out of this damned box you call an office and experience life! Go base jump off of the Empire State Building! Walk across hot coals! Slather yourself in butter and climb into an all-you-can-eat buffet’s salad bar!” The other man was starting to turn a frightening shade of magenta, spittle flying from his flappy bird lips with each inflection. He waved his hands menacingly at the portrait of Steve Irwin on the wall behind Kyle, fingers jabbing erratically to drive the points home.

“What? Wait.” Kyle paused, confused by the situation. “Why are you calling me Jack? And no, none of those things sound even remotely fun OR safe! Have you lost your mind!?” Kyle stopped for a moment and studied the man seriously for the first time. He had no idea who this random character was (much like this author). He said as much. “And who the hell even are you!?”

With that, the stranger yanked off his tie (with some difficulty as it was an actual tie and not a clip on. Go real or go home, that was the stranger’s motto) and revealed himself to be none other than Mark! His semi-arch-nemesis!

“YOU,” Kyle said in a mostly loud voice. He lunged onto his desk, sending papers and binders flying. “I WILL END YOU.”

“What is wrong with you? Why aren’t you shouting with emotion?!” Mark asked, startled at the sudden yet inevitable change that had overcome his previously best fanfiction friend. Nothing can ever be the same, he thought morosely as he crouched down, ready for anything.

Kyle struggle through the sea of legal documents until he was situated in a wide-legged stance. “I call this… THE POWER OF UNFRIENDSHIP,” he stated before screeching like a pterodactyl and flinging himself from the desk and directly at Mark.

Quickly side-stepping Kyle’s flying form, Mark upped the ante by whirling around with his leg out in a Chuck Norris-esque roundhouse. It completely missed Kyle by a foot, and Mark ended up weakly smacking the single filing cabinet with the outside of his bare ankle. The filing cabinet ignored him and continued to stand solidly against the wall.

With the reflexes of a goose, Kyle sprung to his feet. “YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT AS WELL.” He jumped wildly at Mark but was tripped up by a stack of ledgers.

“Seriously dude. You gotta stop it with the robotic shout-speak. It’s creeping everyone out.” Mark looked pointedly at the filing cabinet. The filing cabinet said nothing.

Kyle looked between Mark and the filing cabinet. He could feel the uncontrollable rage beginning to rise within him again. “Do NOT look at my filing cabinet like that!” He chucked a thesaurus at Mark, and it hit him in the shoulder.

“OW. Whyyyy?” Mark whined as he slid against the filing cabinet to the floor, his vision going dark. “How did we get to this?” he asked, staring off into the middle distance as Kyle rushed to his side.

“Oh, Mark. Mark! Say something! Are you okay? I didn’t mean to take you out like that!” Kyle grabbed his semi-good friend by the shoulders and shook him violently. “MARK!”

Slowly and unsteadily, Mark blinked his eyes, looking up at Kyle in surprise. “Wha-what the FUCK just happened?”

“I don’t know, dude, but I could go for some Denny’s.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

And with that, Kyle helped Mark get to his feet and the pair picked their way through the legal debris. They reached the door and Kyle reached to turn off the light. “I didn’t even know that I WANTED to be a lawyer!”

Mark shrugged and slapped his friend on the back, “Why the heck are we even fighting again?”

Kyle stopped, once more confused. “I… I don’t think that ever really was well explained. And Mark?”

“Yeah, buddy?”

“Why the heck are you in a suit?!”


End file.
